Pagan Dating: How to Tell Your Partner You’re Pagan
Whether you’re dating, in a serious relationship, or married, being a pagan is sometimes difficult when you’re with someone who’s not pagan. There’s questions that come up, beliefs are debated, and personalities can clash. BUT there are ways to a. tell your partner you’re pagan and b. date or be in a serious relationship with someone who’s not pagan when you are. Here’s how.
First, Be Prepared for Different Reactions and Responses
Before even approaching your partner or lover about your spiritual beliefs, prepare yourself for the worst and the best reactions. Your partner may already know and when you come right out and tell them, they might say “hey I already knew that about you”. This is probably the best of all outcomes. Another response might be one of more shock than negativity. Some people just aren’t educated when it comes to the words pagan and witch. I believe nowadays the terms are more prevalent and therefore most people, at least in urban areas, have already been exposed to the more modern definitions. However, if you’re living in a country or somewhere the main religion is Abrahamic, you might find your partner reacting in a big way or even being negative towards it.
My thing is, if your partner reacts negatively at first, give them their space. Let them mull it over. And let them ask questions about your beliefs. Be open and honest, but remember, you don’t have to tell your partner every single thing about your beliefs. They are your personal beliefs, in the end. But if they’re genuinely curious or want you to clarify some things, be open to doing so. Now, if they poke fun at you or outright tell you your beliefs are weird, evil or wrong, you might be with the wrong person. If they react in this way, be firm and tell them that you feel strongly about your beliefs and wouldn’t make fun or be negative about theirs. And if they can’t respect you, you won’t be able to respect them in return.
Next, Here’s how to tell your partner you’re pagan:
- Catch your partner in a relaxed, connected mood. Don’t tell him or her over an argument, during a stressful time of day, etc. Choose a time when you and your partner are connecting on a romantic/intimate level and casually mention your interest in mother nature spirituality.
- When you tell your partner that you’re pagan, keep things to the point and avoid words that could be triggering to certain folk, i.e. “witch” “spells” “rituals” “magic” “spirits” etc. Even though you may identify as a witch, many people have negative connotations of this term. While I agree there shouldn’t be, and maybe we don’t find witch a bad word, the truth is the rest of society hasn’t fully come around to it yet. Use the term “pagan” first, then ease a reluctant partner into the “witch” label over time.
- If your partner wants to know more about what a “pagan” is, keep it related to nature. Tell them your path is based on Mother Earth, the elements, the moon, the seasons, connecting to nature, etc. Most people are more accepting of terms like “pagan” and “nature-based spirituality”.
2. What to do if your partner reacts negatively
The unfortunate truth is sometimes a partner may react negatively when you tell them you’re pagan. Usually, this person is just misinformed. Instead of getting angry with them, show patience. Explain that being a pagan isn’t evil and that you’re here to answer their questions. HOWEVER, if your partner tells you you can’t be pagan, denies you the right to your beliefs, or gives you an ultimatum of any kind, they are not the right one for you. Don’t let any person control your life – particularly when it comes to your spirituality. It isn’t worth it and you’ll end up resenting them for it down the road.
3. They’ll come around
Keep in mind, hearing you are on an alternative spiritual path to theirs often brings up strong emotions. Give your partner time to digest the information if they are reluctant at first. If they’re a good person and truly love you for you, they’ll come around. BUT don’t expect your partner to cast spells, perform rituals, or follow your path. They have their path and you have yours. You don’t have to have the exact same beliefs to have a healthy, intimate relationship with your partner. You do have to have respect for one another.
4. Show respect for their beliefs
In most healthy relationships, when you show respect for your partner they’ll show respect for you. Let’s say your partner is Catholic and you are Pagan. Maybe your partner invites you to a Catholic mass on Easter. Instead of being offended and refusing, model respectful behavior for their beliefs…the respect you want to see from them with yours. Attend a Catholic mass with your partner, but also tell them you want to have your altar out in the open, etc. It’s about having a mutual respect and understanding your partner’s spirituality is important no matter who/whom they call God (or not). And if they still don’t come around, BYE FELICIA.